Clarity

As I was getting ready for work this morning something important started to occur to me. Not the fact that the night before my best friend and I lost our hair together; mine by choice, and hers by breast cancer. No, you couldn't forget something like a missing head hair, but still I had the feeling like I had forgotten something and couldn't put my finger on it. I was also feeling a little nervous about actually walking out of the door with out my hair and that took me by surprise.

It was then that I realized that while most everyone in my circle of family and friends was aware and in support of what I was doing regarding my hair, a lot of the people I see every day wouldn't have a clue. I would have to drive through a security gate and see the guard there to get to the family I work for, and although the family was in the know, the handful of other employees that are in and out of the location in a day (and today there were 3) were not. Not to mention my daily (and I do literally mean daily..... I am a Personal Chef) trip to the grocery store. I know most of the people that work there by name and vice versa.

I started to think of what all of these people would think when they saw me and realized, wholly cow, they're going to think I have cancer, they're going to feel sorry for me and I don't want that. A complete moment of clarity (I'm talking crystal) followed that thought. I remembered a conversation I had with Denise way back where she was saying how she didn't want people to feel sorry for her, and it blew my mind (in a good way) that I was feeling something that she felt.

It's one thing to say to a person going through something we haven't experienced, "I can imagine how you feel". I've said that before, and frequently do try to imagine myself in the shoes of someone else for the sake of trying to understand what it's like for them. However, it is something else so much more powerful to actually feel what you know someone else is feeling. Especially if it's someone you love.

I was not nervous or afraid to walk out the door after that. I got in the car and called to tell her what I was thinking. I know it made her feel better and I felt empowered that I could do it just by truly knowing a little bit about what it's like for her.

I would down a bottle of Ipecac syrup and puke my guts up for a week strait just so we could compare notes, if I thought it would make her feel any better. I know she would not feel better if I went to that extreme. I'm just saying that all I want out of this is help her. I want her to be well and not have cancer in the first place, as I'm sure she does too, but no one can change that. I want her to never feel alone. I want her get though this A OK and I truly believe that she will.

Please keep her in thought & prayer.